A Bigger Picture

I had the craziest idea this morning about my youngest son. I mean, in a good way. I don't know how other moms sit around and wonder about their kid's future like I do, but I have been praying for my children to know what they were supposed to do in life since I knew I was pregnant with them. I believe that each of us were created to fill a specific role at an exact point in time. You can blame Rick Warren, author of Purpose Driven Life, who says that our lives are not about us. More importantly; King Solomon, author of Ecclesiastes, who said there is a time for everything. A time for war and a time for peace, comes to my mind. I also blame myself, because it seems as if I will never have a definitive career beyond that of homemaker and I wish better for my kids. But they are boys, so likely will never have my particular issues.

I had a friend once who said " Don't worry about who you will be, maybe one of your boys will be the next Billy Graham." It always made me mad that I would be known more for the exploits of my male children than for having any identity of my own. Besides I did not want to self actualize my dreams through them. That's unfair. That being said I have not been surprised when my kid's ideals ran opposite of mine. I just figured that God had a specific job in mind for each of them, and it's definitely not being like the late Reverend Graham.

Josh: Soldier of the future?

The crazy idea for my youngest is, that he become an unmanned drone pilot for the military. Uhh, do I really like the idea? Not so much, because the stakes are high and often involve making morally grey decisions in order to fulfill mission objectives. As a Christian I have difficulty navigating grey areas such as determining who a good guy and a bad guy are, especially when all everybody does is kill each other. I'm glad that I have never been called on to make the same kind of choices that, say, my military police husband does. The strange thing is, that my boy can. Weird to watch, he can objectively defeat an enemy with the aid of his team in online video games. I hate them,(most video games) they are violent and I wish we lived in a world where entertainment was dancing to bluegrass music and painting lovely pictures. That's my world. Not his, or his dad's or my other son's.

     The dad: Soldier, policeman.

For a long time it has resonated with me that we are raising up an army with the violent video games. The kids have such precision with tactical planning. Yeah, I read and saw Ender's Game, by Orson Scott Card. Sometimes I think my kid is like Ender; it disturbs me. However, each person is created to fulfill a specific purpose by God. maybe my youngest son's reason for being, is to be a valuable military tactician. Crazy to think of being the mother of somebody like this. The other boy is a computer science major who has heavy leanings toward particle physics. The youngest can sing like an angel, play trumpet and has great compassion. The oldest is bouncy, friendly and is avid about extreme weather. They are a combination of opposites. My artistic, idealistic self wonders how I gave birth to them.

     J.C.: Computer science and particle physics student.

It is a series of world events that has drawn my attention to the increasing need to have the skills necessary to operate these drones. There is no one thing that makes for the pattern obvious. There is also a need for particle physic scientists, and currently the world needs rough and ready lawmen like my husband.

 But most of that kind of thinking is beyond my scope.

Because... Here I sit, planting apple trees, raising chickens, making a pleasant home. I wish that I did not see the bigger picture. It is frightening.