Judging

    Thinking about what defines us makes me observe others habits as evidenced in their houses and yards. Looking into the lives of others scattered about the local area makes me feel curious. It is a strange motivation to have, this voyeurism, all in the name of feeling justified. I think I can tell what somebody is like by looking at their home and yard. While cognitively I know it is wrong to judge by outward appearances, I cannot help but wonder what makes my neighbors tick. Come take a walk with me and make your own determinations

It is a sunny day and the weather is not too bitter. A bit of exercise should do us some good.

I love the shadow play of winter light on the snow. The outlines of the bare trees are blue. It is a happy blue.

 

Briefly, I wonder if we have any mail. However, the driveway is so long that I do not want to pick it up and walk all the way back to the house. Plus, the last thing I want to think about right now are bills and responsibility. This is an effort, after all, at gaining mental sanity in the depths of winter. My doctor has prescribed sunlight and exercise for me as a way to ward off seasonal affective disorder. I think taking walks really helps. Bills will wait for the time I am out.

 

There are little back roads all over the neighborhood and they have a mix of astonishingly poor homes as well as prosperous homesteads. It is a fairer treatment of the land than sprawling suburbs. After living in a treeless and densely packed subdivision while we lived in Colorado, I vowed to try and avoid the tightness of all that. Here, people can breathe freely. I do not regret the time spent in Colorado. It taught me that a house is just a house, and not a reflection of my insides. Which is why I find it interesting that I look at other peoples homes and make judgements about who lives inside.

 This made me laugh pretty hard. It sat outside of a shack that was more of a hovel than anything else. The folks inside have a wicked sense of humor. Poverty does not preclude happiness. Why should I assume that? I would love to meet these neighbors and tell them that their joke brought a smile to my day. I shared it on Facebook hoping to make others laugh too.

I love this fence! I want one to surround my cabin. Did the owners make it themselves, or did they hire it out? Their place is neat as a pin. It is a real joy to walk by. I wonder if their lives are neat too? I know better, everyone has their own set of complex issues.

I walk by this sign and feel like I need retrieval. I wonder if there is a road around here named Redemption? Or how about Revival? That would be good too.

This barn belongs to my immediate neighbors. Looking at it, I wonder if they would sell it to me when I get enough money. I love old barns. I wonder what it would be like to keep horses, or goats. Something, anything to justify a barn! For now I just take pictures of other people's barns. Barn lust equals envy. Hmm... Not so good. Is it Okay to wish for something I do not need right now? Or is it fine to dream of things to surround myself with that would please me? Some people crave big new cars and designer clothes. I like old ratty barns. I do not think the intent changes whether it is fancy clothes and cars, or whether it is old ratty barns God looks at the heart. So for now he is working envy out of my soul. I am pretty sure he will give me a barn when he thinks I am ready.

This cute little place always has it's grass mowed neatly in the summer. There is no extra junk hanging around like there is at most of the country houses around here. People shuck their belongings into big scrabbly piles of old metal, tires and junk. Sometimes I like it because it adds character. Other times I hate it because it looks like a physical embodiment of laziness. Having inherited my own junk (piles of old tires left behind from when the land was used for a paintball range) I cannot cast stones at anyone. I am guilty of white trash piles. These judgements are leftover from my city days. I grew up in San Diego and if the lawn was not kept well, you were seen as a deadbeat of sorts. When I see a space that is wholly uncluttered, I am a bit jealous for the type of commitment it  takes to live neatly without extraneous possessions. Alas, I have never done neat well and have a love for old rusty things.

I love the clean lines of their small steel barn. It is just enough.

Returning home, I see a giant old tractor. It is covered with the kind of rust I love. There is no shame in loving pieces of history. What is better, Living clean and simple, or living with a slightly junky exterior? Does the junk mean slovenliness, or does it mean that the local dump would charge too much for proper disposal? I found out that all the tires we have, which were used as bunkers for the paintball range, would cost five dollars apiece to get rid of. Wow, that would run us around six hundred dollars to take care of!  Not  wanting to count myself slovenly means I have to adjust my opinions of others, otherwise I have to lump myself with a group I despise. 

Why do I despise what I do not know?

 There are so many complex thoughts attached to this little walk. I wish that my mind was completely free of judgmental ideas. It would be nicer to be open and friendly. It used to be that I did not even know I was feeling this way. God keeps allowing me to be in the position that I worried about  being in the most, and then shows me that it is not what I thought it was. I am thankful that he never leaves me mired in my sin.

 My next walk will be spent praising him and accepting others as I would like to be accepted. It was a pretty walk wasn't it? I sang praise songs and listened to the birds more than exercising my prejudice.

  I am defending myself now.

 Praise God that he accepts me with my cluttered mind and of course my junk. Watch my blog and see how I grow. Try not to make the same mistakes I make. If I can do any good, it is that you can use my life as an example. Somethings I get right, and some things I get wrong. So long as God has me in his hands I am okay. I love you, whoever you are, and so does God. If he can love me with all my warts than he can love you too.